Deus Ex Spoliarium
by mousestalker
Summary: Ostagar goes somewhat differently than in the game. Cracktastic. This is probably why falling asleep to war movies is such a bad idea.


Deus Ex Spoliaria

The beacon fire blazed out of the top of the tower. The general looked at it, looked over the valley below and said "Sound the retreat."

In the valley, the warrior looked at the beacon and waited for the sounds of horns blowing the charge. They didn't come. The darkspawn surged forward and the battle was renewed.

Then their zeal flagged and the man could hear, but not hear, above the pulse and roar that was the archdemon, "When the truth is found, to be lies..."

The darkspawn stood confused, deprived of their master's voice, they milled in place. Those fighting continued to fight, but the ones behind stood still.

"Don't you want somebody to love?"

Another voice, cool and feminine, broke through "All units, begin attack approach".

With his ears he could hear a sound like he had never heard before coming from the side, above.

A roaring, and the ogre that had been approaching the king spouted bloody holes. The darkspawn around it fell, wounded as well. Puffs of dirt blew up in two parallel lines that turned to blood and gore where the lines interesected genlocks and hurlocks.

"Don't you need somebody to love?"

More roaring and then he saw it, them. It hung in the air, black and unnatural and where it pointed, everything died. Flames spat from its snout. Above it was a blur of circular motion. Three others hovered as well. One smoothly moved forward and changed position.

"Wouldn't you love somebody to love?"

All of the black objects began moving forward. No living darkspawn were in sight anymore. Fire spat from the things and disappeared from view.

He looked at his king. The burly blond man looked back. The army stood there, jaws more or less agape.

Metal wire wailed. He looked for his fellow Grey Wardens. It was obvious that they could hear it as well. It was equally obvious that no one else could.

The king looked ahead and then motioned his men to finish off the wounded enemy where they lay. It seemed a sensible plan, but Duncan badly wanted to discuss this with his fellows, so he motioned them to join him by the ogre.

"Your eyes, I say your eyes may look like his..."

"Put a few missiles into the hole and we're done."

All the Wardens heard that as well. Duncan cleared his throat. "Anyone know...anything?"

Insofar as twenty men could shrug simultaneously, they did so.

"And your friends, they treat you like a guest"

"That's a wrap. Cease fire."

The roaring in the distance stopped. The air was still and quiet compared to moments before.

"Grey Wardens. I can not hear you, but I know you can hear me."

The woman's voice startled all of the Wardens into an intent attention.

"The archdemon is currently down by the Dead Trenches. Flemeth is above, circling in dragon form. She knows a way to kill the archdemon and live, but there is a price. There is an ancient Grey Warden Mage at Soldier's Keep who knows much of interest. Loghain is currently heading for Lothering as swiftly as he can. The older Hawke child has some potential. The mage Anders would make an excellent Grey Warden, but under no circumstances take his cat away from him. The mage Uldred plans to rebel. Arl Eamon was poisoned by a blood mage. His son has contracted with a Desire Demon to keep him alive. The dragon named Andraste guards the real Andraste's ashes near the town of Haven. They really do cure a lot of things, including poisoned Arls. Bhelen is the better choice for king. The Keeper Zathrien is the one responsible for the creation of the werewolves. Arl Howe betrayed the Couslands. Cailan has been secretly corresponding with the Orlesian Empress. And your two newest recruits are currently being peppered by arrows in the tower of Ishal which is overrun by the only living darkspawn in the area. There's a hidden tunnel to the tower to your right., behind some dead branches. Good luck!"

The song stopped. The voice vanished. And they could feel the baffled roar of a very confused archdemon.

They ran for the tower.


End file.
